RAWR!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

i'm writing you a chorus;
and here is your verse

even i wonder why i didnt choose a pink blogskin.. anyways. i'm quite content with this skin so um..yeah.

thanks sam and jaime for buying me a happy house mouse cushion hippo and flower..and the golden squishy shit. heh. the golden shit will fertilise the flower, which would get eaten up by the hippo! okay. lame. sorry. classes were totally boring today.

anyways.

went to clementi. bought a purple pen to go with my pink pen.. a black diary (yes, finally), black rubberbands. my blue ones were totally worn out. been using some lousy black ones this week..which well isnt that bad.. but yeah. really wanted to get out of the house. not that the house was very noisy or whatever. just that i felt like taking a long slow walk by myself.. breathe the fresh air.. sort my thoughts..yeah. so well. mummy drove me there on her way to some bbq thing with her students or smth lyk tt. took my own sweet time to buy my stuff.

was walking towards the blocks, which was in the direction of the interchange..and then i saw the shuttle bus, the bus that i'd take from the interchange into the condo. it was on the other side on the road..it was on it's way to the interchange..i could make it for the bus if i walked abit faster..and besides, there were really dark clouds in the sky. it was gonna thunderstorm on me if i walked home. so i started to walk faster..and then suddenly i stopped.

i want to walk home.

i want to take a slow walk to think things out.

so what if it rained.

so what if my stuff got wet.

so what if i fall sick.

i dont care. at most i'll just get a scolding. which doesnt really matter. they're gonna shout at me for god knows what anyways. no diff.

doesnt matter if my phone gets spoiled in the rain..doesnt matter if it loses all it's memory. i was gonna delete everything anyways. not like my dad's ever gonna keep his promise anyway. so it doesnt matter.

took a slow walk home..was kinda mentally prepared to get soaked in the rain. kinda scary walking right into the dark clouds without an umbrella. funny. although the wind blew my hair into a big mess, there was only a slight drizzle. i even walked extra slowly on purpose. it didnt rain on me. somehow i started to walk fast. and then after a while i'd notice i'm walking fast. then i'll slow down..

then when i was crossing the bridge..of which on my right was a railing. and underneath was what used to be a train track. it was now totally covered in grass and trees..and then the wind blew in my face..and along with the wind came little droplets of rainwater. felt like labrador park.. even the sky looked the same....

and then so many memories poured back..and i just felt like sitting on that bridge and breaking down. taking my time. but i knew that the thunderstorm would not hold back for any longer..

so here i am. sitting at home blogging.. thinking about what i'm thinking. and i'm left with no choice. but to stay. i cant do anything about anything. so i'll just have to stay and see what happens. hopefully things will get better.

having said that, i'm not just gonna stay here and waste my time doing nothing.

firstly, i'd have to finish my eng reading assignment. 6 more books to go. and i'll really need to get sponsors for the inkwell project thing. anyone would like to sponsor me? please email me asap. i think i need 10o bucks by the end of this month or smth like that.

btw, project inkwell is something the school came up with to raise funds, instead of making us going ard with a donation card asking for donations, they make us read books and ask people to sponsor us for reading the book. yeah. so please please. sponsor me and dont let my effort go to waste. email me at piggy_princess92@hotmail.com or if you know my number please call me. thankyou.

after i finish my eng reading assignment and project inkwell thing..and if the exams havent started yet, i'd read purpose drive life. yeah. stacie said it helped her so..i really wanna read that book. think it'll help me.. hope so. then after that i'll read prayer of jabez for teens. my bro has been asking me to read that for the past year? or was it since christmas? something like that.. then after that i wanna read the chronicles of narnia by c.s. lewis. my daddy said it actually has christian values inside. yeah. my bro finished that book in less than 3 or 5 days i think. i'll try i guess, to actually finish all the five stories in the chronicles of narnia. to read finish all that by.. next year? haha. dont think i can make it. i read very slowly, and i always take forever to pick up the book. but actually it doesnt matter when i finish. so long as i make a constant effort. it doesnt matter. speed reading. that would be a waste of time. i wldnt really benefit from it. i'm interested in more of a study and understand and reflect and application kinda thing. something impactful. so well..anyways i hope i'll have enough determination and enthusiasm and motivation to, for now, finish my reading assignment for school. one by one. step by step. i'll make it.

pray for me? sometimes my thoughts scare me. and sometimes they make me depressed. they make me reaslise certain lies - the beautiful illusions. and yet sometimes my thoughts save me. anyways, daddys home. dinner time. then i gotta go study. byebye

"i hate it when daddy's stressed out"

♥ 6:48 PM

Monday, June 27, 2005

sometimes i wish...God wld just freeze time on earth, just for me. then he'd take me for a quiet stroll under the stars in a beautiful secret garden, far away from everything and anyone else. i'd be just my papa and me. i'd be free from the worries and distractions of this world. he'd then explain everything of the heavens and the earth to me. all the things i cannot fanthom. the things i cannot understand. everything that doesnt make sense. human relations..all my worries and weaknesses. he'd talk thru them with me one by one, explaining everything patiently, and he'd teach me how i can go about doing whay he wants me to do..we wldnt be pressed for time. time would be endless there. we'd even have many long talks. he'd teach me things ive never learnt before. and we'll have a wonderful time, one on one. we'd even sing songs together. i'd never have to feel lonely. cos i'd know for sure that he exists. that he is with me..and i am never alone. that he loves me for who i am, although i should try my best to be the godly person he wants me to be.

(one question. but i am unworthy of his persence. he is holy. i am sinful..)

anyways..guess i'll have to wait till i get to heaven for that kind of an experience..or maybe i dont. well, whatever it is. i'm sure it'll be worth waiting a lifetime for.. yeah. it'd be worth it. waiting a lifetime (at most 100 years?) of "suffering", for an eternity of everlasting joy. yes. it is worth it.

♥ 3:00 PM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

haha. hello :D

♥ 1:00 PM